XRippedJeansX

remember the puzzles you used to click them together with you mother 3d fishes swam over the table moving left and right with your head remember the halves and quarters and thirds that went missing the more you put them together each time more disappeared remember crying at the imperfections seeing that you'd never have enough pieces again remember when your mother told you were too old and her too busy. remember her leaving for work before you woke up and returning too late to put puzzles together she slept too often you too little you cried too often her home too little somehow you missed her someone who lived in your house you wished

spit dripping slowly one, two. lie back against the cold, hard tiles. and sleep again. mouth burning and stomach complaining loudly. my eyes they burn at the screen still i stare tap-typing away murals of thin people painted on my inner eyelids. and for the first time in five moths the waterworks choke groan and sputter to a start and squeak crack and shudder to a pause.

snaps from jigsaw puzzles the pieces correct the corners the edges a sky section some grass and a few unruly horses whirring screws spinning in place the circumference round enough one here another there a nail and a hammer bookshelves never looked better make up covering a stunning truth the foundation light enough eyes lined and shadowed lips glossed cheeks blushed chemicals hiding a knockout smile a boy in a scarf waiting for the bus he shivers and shies from the wind tear tracks down his cheeks backpack by his feet a fake smile contradicting the belt's imprint bruised around his neck the puzzle pieces carved into his side scarred away

Listen to it LOUD. Maybe you'll feel again. Pretend it's a distraction. Make believe it makes you feel better. To feel better, though, you'd have to be able to feel. Maybe tomorrow it'll kick in. Another year of arguments, held back tears, screaming, scars and fucking skirts. idon'twanttogotoback

dark shadows haunting the corners.                               'close your eyes.'                      'go to sleep.' brush away the whispers. eyes fixated on the bright screen.                     'just a minute.'                  'i'll head to bed soon.'     sleep is for the weak. no rest for the wicked. and you're as naughty as they come.                           'one more page.'                      'one more song.' one more night?

late nights early mornings. sore throat burning eyes. regret swimming in your tears. did you think? no, not really, but it was fun right? I guess I just miss the feeling of a good sleep.

scissors to cut us out you really are the happiest there is. smile you're in poetry. again. breaking someone's heart. again. but i'm the same. alienating those who i like. pushing away fro my friends and people who care. still not believing anyone does. that irritating friend who sticks around. it's a wonder we have friends. some act of magic. but thanks for sticking with me.

Just how long until you fall? Seconds. Why aren't you on the ground? Not trying. Aren't you working hard enough? My head aches. Come closer. Catch me. No chance.

i. Deny yourself oxygen. Wait until you are gasping. Out of breath. Then take little sips. Reviving yourself. Never take enough to be easy. Hear your mind shout. MORE. Have the power to yell back. NO. Argue. Talk back. Little sips. Do you feel faint yet? Are you fading? No? LESS.